the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
