yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
