and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
