I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
worst night to have a conscience
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
