Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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