He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
