Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The Olympian is in my bed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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