Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
