I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize