I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
