GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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