I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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