Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
