walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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