he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
