dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
