the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
