Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
