it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
