She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
