Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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