allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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