I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
