I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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