She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
