you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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