I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
