I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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