Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
