Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
