Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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