He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
