How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
