I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
