I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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