six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
