Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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