Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
