I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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