he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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