something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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