It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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