Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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