We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
