Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize