You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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