Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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