she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I want to have your abortion
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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