hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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