come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
