I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
