his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
