there's paper in my vomit.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
