I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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