Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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