Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize