seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
