i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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