I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
