I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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