I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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