$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
