I faked an abortion last night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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